BFP BFP BFP...BFN

I never thought I would memorized most of pregnancy acronyms and abbreviations until my husband and I finally jumped in into the TTC club. I've been ready for this ever since we got married, and I just got the sweet 'go' from him four months ago. We are now both ready. How ready am I? Well, a bookshelf of conception and pregnancy books, OPKs and HPTs on hand, an online BBT chart, healthy dieting, been taking my prenatal vitamins everyday (ok, I skipped some days), lurking in to some pregnancy discussion boards, support from family and friends, and tons of prayers. Oh and exercise!--does household chores count? if yes, then I'm all set!

I am equipped with positivity, thinking having a baby is just easy as BDing on that important day. Well it's NOT on our first three months. It's more complex than I thought. There goes my sanity trying to figure "How come?", "Why not?", "What did we missed?" and all sorts of questions of disbelief. I think I have stressed myself out too much and was on on the verge of losing hope. I know I shouldn't whine about that, because there are couples who have been trying for years and still has full of hope. Silly me. Yes, I'm impatient. On our third month, I know it's going to be BFN, husband has been busy with his job. Now that he just been promoted as Manager. So took a break on the third, after all it'll be Thanksgiving in a few weeks.

So two weeks before Thanksgiving, husband and have gone busy with getting the house ready for Thanksgiving. His sister and family are coming over, as our yearly tradition. He's on the middle of finishing up the roof installation and I was in charge of cleaning the house. OCD like me, I always go overboard. I always want everything to be tidy-looking as possible. So I re-painted a couple of doors. Even planned on re-painting my kitchen cabinets and the guest room walls, but we were short on time. In the middle of all this, a week before our guests gets here, my AF is already 6 days late. Hmmm. But not very long, I got it, and after that I have been spotting ever since.

2nd faint line -Wondfo brand

Must be stress. But at the back of my head, nahhh it's not. I never had spotting for 4 long days. There has to be something going on. So on day 5th, I POAS as soon as I got up in the morning. Result showed a 2nd faint line. Does that mean I'm pregnant? questioning the accuracy of this $1 pregnancy test. So maybe not. It's a cheap brand anyway. Went to Walmart and grabbed a FRER, a brand name test, thought this should give me a more convincing result--it better be, it's $14 for a 3 piece package! Come 6th day, POAS again, there's another 2nd faint line! My heart raced to the roof, I was in awe. OMG, I'm pregnant! While I was dancing in the tune of La-di-da-la-di-da-I'm-pregnant, my husband was still in bed snoring off good morning. Ran to our bed, woke him up and showed him my test. I was like a little schoolgirl showing off my A+ test paper to her father..lol..that kind of joy I mean. "Honey' I'm pregnant". He can't believe it himself. I know he's half excited inside, but he said no it's not positive, there should be two bright lines. That took my excitement away. Maybe he was right, there should be two. Come lunch time, took another test, there really is a 2nd line, a little darker than the first one, but still a faint line. And I remembered someone posted on the boards, a line is a line, if you see a two lines, faint or darker, you're pregnant! After consulting some TTC couples on one of the discussion boards I frequent, they all agreed, I am pregnant. I AM PREGNANT!

the ultimate test- "Pregnant"

Honey, when you get off work, buy me a Clearblue digital pregnancy test! the text message I sent him  that night. So he got home and got my request on his hand. Took the test. Funny, my eyes are peeled to the test that he said get my eyes off of it, to face him instead and talk about anything. Leaflet says wait 3 mins for the result. So we talked, what if we are pregnant, what to do, baby names, how our life going to change, how can I get mother to fly over here and so on. That conversation took 5 mins by the way. Went back to my Clearblue, and there it is, flat out "Pregnant" on the result window. Ok, it sunk in, I am really pregnant. We were the most excited couple in the world. Baby's on the way. (Nov. 20th)

The next day, called my OB clinic and spoke to the nurse, who asked me to get it confirmed by blood test (beta) the same day. We were all anxious to find out. All my pregnancy test came positive, why wouldn't my blood test right? My spotting continues and it really concerns me. I read it could be just a normal spotting for early pregnancies. But I just had my period? or so I thought was. Ahh, it could be implantation bleeding. Another reason for spotting is the dreadful miscarriage or an ectopic pregnancy is present. That couldn't be the reason for me, I get mild cramps but not the kind of cramps severe as pain that is associated with the two. Then what's going on with me? Amidst all these, our families were all excited, we have over-the-top happy grandparents and charged up future uncles and aunts. And soon-to-be daddy, who broke the news to his co-workers. Everyone's cheering, I am overwhelmed with support.

Result came in the next day, my beta was 11. The nurse requested for another blood test. She said with that beta count, it's too low to tell. So I head back to clinic and got my lab done. And what a pain to find out that we will get the result on Monday! Thanks to the Thanksgiving holidays and weekend, the clinic are close! I asked if there's anyway I could find out or someone to call. They said no, no one's here to take your call. Damn! that left us all hanging.

Come Thanksgiving....

Come weekend...

And Monday, Nov 29th. I can't wait I called them first thing in the morning. I left a message to my nurse. She called back after 2 hours. She said my beta didn't rise at all, and therefor it's a negative pregnancy. I was stunned. Speechless for a second, and out of the blue threw a bunch of questions like if there's something wrong with my ovaries or my reproductive system, when can I talk to my doctor? She said I could make an appointment. She can't give me any answers. WTH. I just hang up. I cried. I have a lot of questions in my head but of them matters now. What's the point of asking, it's negative anyway! It hurts like breaking up with a boyfriend but ten times worse. What hurts most is breaking the news to your husband, who has been more excited than me. It broke my heart.

I anxious to find out what happened with my pregnancy. But the soonest available appointment I got to see my OB doc is on January 4th!

There goes my story of BFP to BFN. Or maybe it's a chemical pregnancy or maybe just a BFN or a fluke  all along? If so, why my HPTs show otherwise?

I still have my hopes up that one day on one of my cycles, we will get our prayers answered.

Until then we will keep on trying.

Acronyms used:
TTC - Trying to concieve
OPK - Ovulation Predictor Kit
HPT - Home Pregnancy Test
BBT - Basal Body Temperature
AF - Aunt Flo
POAS - Pee-on-a-stick
FRER - First Response Early Response
BFP - Big Fat Positive
BFN - Big Fat Negative